What is in store "4" the future?

With much anticipation and excitement in the air, Julie and I sat down together to open the coveted envelope that we had been waiting so long to receive.  As we opened the envelope, we knew the risk and possibilities.  We clearly understood, from the beginning, that being sent to first call might be more of an adventure than we anticipated....   

As we gathered with classmates to "debrief" with the Brothers D, they made the statement that all draftees at Wartburg were assigned to a region of their choice... except one.  That one would be me.  Region 4 was our gift, but we asked for the gifts of Regions, 9, 7 & 2.  As they made the statement, those gathered looked around to find out who was the unlucky one.  The eyes turned to me and J.  Yet even in that statement, I did not feel unlucky or left out.  And from what I can tell, Julie does not either.   The Spirit calls and we follow... to find out what is in store "4" our future.

While reading "America's Battle for God: A European Christian Looks at Civil Religion" this morning, I saw this great Moltmann quote:

"The kingdom of God is coming, but it will not be the result of of an apocalyptic revolution brought about by God; it will come through the growth of reason and morality among human beings."

T 

I understand... a few years later

The first time I heard the phrase "wounded healer" during part of my entrance process before seminary. I attended a group evaluation session and the leader called me a "wounded healer." He explained the work of Henri Nouwen and that in hearing my story, I reminded him of this type of Christian leader. Inside, I was furious and did not know what to do with it. However, I held it in, moved on and let go of the experience.

During the first year of seminary I had the opportunity to read "Wounded Healer" by Nouwen. It resonated so much within me. Nouwen suggests that we are all wounded or shaped by the events of our life and those events or wounds become part of who we are and part of our identity. They are part of us as we serve Jesus Christ and walk in faith. Wounds are painful and they heal but a scar will remain. We are damaged or broken by life and we heal but life leaves scars on us. Our challenge is to learn to live with the scars and witness to Christ and not be ashamed of our scars. Our wounds shape us and our scars identify us.

Today i have reached a new understanding of ministry. Today has been the intersection of that evaluation three years ago, the Nouwen text read two years ago and a conversation just over a month ago.

In a conversation with a pastor, I mentioned that when I opened up, shared my own story, filled with struggles and joys, people in my congregation could see the difference in my messages. They heard the difference in my voice. They respected the honesty that my message shared. (They saw me for who I am, one who has encountered the risen Christ and is called to serve as a pastor. They see God at work in the world by my actions.) This pastor then said to me something like this: "It is rare that a pastor can share their personal story in a way that points to God at work in them and the world. It is more rare that a man does it."

I get it, I am a wounded healer. I shares the Good New of Jesus Christ to the very world that hurts me. I am healed by Jesus and experience new life in Christ. I experience abundant life in Christ - living life as God has called me to live, experiencing the highest highs and lowest, knowing Christ is always with me.

I just finished Let Your Life Speak by Parker Palmer. A classmate suggested this book to me and said that it reminded her of me. I am not sure what that means but I am glad I picked up the book. It was an easy read and there are many ideas and thoughts in the book that resonate with me. More on that later but here is something that really hits home with me as I enter the 4th month of internship.

In the last chapter of the book, Palmer draws on images of the seasons and those really resonate with my roots on a farm in rural Northwest Ohio. He reminds the reader that birth and rebirth is a natural part of life and ends with this explaination of summer:

Here is a summertime truth: abundance is a communal act, the joint creation of an incredibly complex ecology in which each part functions on behalf of the whole and, in return, is sustained by the whole. Community doesn't just create abundance - community is abundance. If we could learn that equation from the world of nature, the human world might be transformed.

After two challenging years of seminary classwork, I find myself facing many of the same challenges as a new pastoral intern. Many new faces, new group dynamics and struggling to find my place in the midst of this community. And yet this is very different. Why I ask? Because I have, much to my surprise, approached this time in a very different way than those two years of classes. Here, I have allowed myself to get to know the people and the place. I have opened myself to see God at work in the midst of daily life. I have encountered God present in community in many unexpected ways and at unexpected times. I simply have been present, without my agenda or purpose, I see new life after death. I see hope in the hopeless. I see the strength of faith in the darkest moments.

I have found freedom by surrendering my old identity and vocation to embrace the new vocation I am called to. Not easy nor will it ever be easy but definitely an incredible summer after a harsh winter and soggy spring of seminary life.

And I still am thinking about the beautiful fall that will be here soon. All of the good byes to those that have helped me become who I am called to be: pastor

Without Christ's death there would be no resurrection. With out the resurrection there would be no new life for all.

What a week! It began with the ELCA Iowa Tri-Synod conference in Des Moines. My first time to Des Moines and found a good old friend: Caribou Coffee! I got to hang out there for a while and talk to a friend from Wartburg who still is waiting for a call. I must confess, it was quite nice to have a conference veteran around that was not my sup. Not that my sup is bad but it good to talk to her.

Speakers were great and I especially liked Martin Marty. His talk was fun and yet informative... Great speaker and helped make the trip even more enjoyable. We had a conference worship service on Monday evening at Faith Lutheran in Clive. The service was quite familiar as it used materials from Renewing Worship which will be in the ELW. I especially enjoyed the RV Williams piece that was performed. I cannot find my program but it was for organ, brass choir and 4 part voice. Such a spiritual experience for me to listen to his music, especially sacred works.

That's all for now.....

Amazing stuff here! All the cool kids have blogs! Now I have one too but does that mean I am cool? Not really...

Anyway, just a little reflection on life as an intern. Internship is a period for me to discern my call to ministry in the Church. My struggle is understanding what God is calling me to. Ordained ministry? Certainly. Pastor? Not sure. Maybe chaplain or other vocation where my theological training is essential. This is another one of those mysteries of life that I might never figure out.